Truth in love time: false. very false. and misguided. very misguided.
it’s so much more than that:
MAYBE: you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend because God is most glorified in your current single state. you don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend because there’s something God wants to teach you in this season. maybe you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend because it’s clearly already at the forefront of your mind, and Jesus wants the idol factory to chill before you can be blessed with such a tedious responsibility (and keeping the idol factory in check is indeed very tedious).
Jesus is not still writing your love story. He wrote it before time began. He wrote it when the Garden of Eden was created and He walked with Adam and Eve. He wrote it in not smiting them then and there, but by allowing an animal sacrifice to cover their sin. He wrote it when He chose Abr(ah)am for no reason in particular, but promised a new chance. He wrote it through Isaac and Jacob, and the lineage that carried on in the most wicked of days. He wrote it when He called Israel His bride in Hosea and Isaiah 54 and many other places, beckoning His whoring bride to come home. He wrote it as He took on human flesh and dwelt among us, bearing the weight of our disgusting, nasty sin. Not because we deserved it, but ‘because of His great love that He had for us, He made us alive with the Messiah, even though we were dead in our transgressions, for it is by grace we have been saved!’ (ephesians 2). He wrote it when He called your name, placed His Gospel in your path as a stumbling block, that you could choose to jump into His kingdom or spend your life dancing around…. He wrote it when/if you decided to come back into His family, and offered you the spirit of adoption.
MORE IMPORTANTLY: you don’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend. You may be called to a life of singleness in order to serve God more fully. But that’s ok, because the ultimate love story isn’t about you. God isn’t about you and He isn’t about me. He is an infinitely big God, and the entire universe declares His glory. If you declare it better in singleness, praise God, and listen to Paul’s exhortation in 1 Corinthians 7*. You don’t have to worry about going through life uncompleted, because the only depravity in you is healed in communion with your Creator, the only one who can complete you and your ultimate love story.
Any story we consider greater is a devastating idol, and one that needs to be removed. The point isn’t that you shouldn’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but the point is that having a boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t the point at all. God is the point, the center, and everything. IN everything we must ask: how is God most glorified, because in a life dedicated to Him, single, dating, or married, He asks no less. Let Him romance you first and foremost, because only the Lover of your soul deserves the claim to your ultimate love story.
The ultimate romance: God’s love story with His unfaithful people“Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor[b]a door of hope.
There she will respond[c] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.16 “In that day,” declares the Lord,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.[d]’
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in[e] righteousness and justice,
in[f] love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in[g] faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the Lord.21 “In that day I will respond,”
declares the Lord—
“I will respond to the skies,
and they will respond to the earth;
22 and the earth will respond to the grain,
the new wine and the olive oil,
and they will respond to Jezreel.[h]
23 I will plant her for myself in the land;
I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.[i] ’
I will say to those called ‘Not my people,[j]’ ‘You are my people’;
and they will say, ‘You are my God.
-Hosea 2
*1 Corinthians 7:7b “But we are not all the same. To some God gives he gift of marriage and to others he gives the gift of singleness.”
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One of my favorite songs, four of my favorite lines, one of my deepest most honest prayers.
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Valley Top.
Silly lies
To blinded eyes
Are so secure
In distracted minds.
Like grazing cows
We drift away
And search the night
Looking for day.
Time resists my selfish grasp
I quickly see
That it won’t last.
Apathy, she fights for me
My passion stolen
Subtly.Where have I gone?
What do I fear?
I need the Lord
To meet me here.
A place I’ve never been before
With quiet walls
And sinking floors.
Laughter here
And laughter there
But even the sinner
Wears a grin.
Saints are known
To have it rough
They shed many tears
In the name of Love.But me. I am in between.
An unfamiliar grey that seems to bleed.
My heart is on the move tonight
Both options taken: fight AND flight.
Bubbling up into my throat
My soul warns away with rescue smoke
What is in her, overflows
Starting small but grows and grows.
B.C. me- she manifests.
This is an all too familiar test.
Her contents come up through my mouth
What’s really there is coming out.But I must get to the bottom of it
The bottom of my heart
Where all the memories live.Gotta pull apart my pride and vanity.
Oh to refute my sanity
I am left with nothing.
Nothing but a chance.
No special knowledge, zeal, or plan.
I want to be known, loved and led
But who can discern
What’s in my head…. -
Beauty. It’s In You If You Look.
“I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, ‘Well, if I’d known better I’d have done better,’ that’s all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we all hold on to the mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what we’re capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don’t have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.” - Maya Angelou
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In a world where it’s so easy to let image become an idol,this is so good to rememeber and keep in mind…
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
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My heart’s song as I welcome the New Year. I know for a fact, I don’t deserve to have made it this far.
BEAUTIFUL EXCHANGE by HILLSONG
You were near
Though I was distant
Disillusioned I was
Lost and insecureStill mercy fought
For my attention
You were waiting at the door
Then I let you inTrading your life
For my offenses
For my redemption
You carried all the blameBreaking the curse
Of our condition
Perfection took our placeChorus:
When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchangeMy burden erased
My life forgiven
There is nothing that could take this love away
And my only desire and sole ambition
Is to love you just the sameChorus:
When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
When only love could break these chains
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
Bridge:
Holy are you God
Holy is your name
With everything I’ve got
My heart will sing how I love you -
2012: Occupy My Heart & Make Me A Renegade.
All I want in 2012 is for my heart to be far more occupied with the Lord…
Lord help me to trust you. I want to forsake my ways for yours. I want to forsake my thoughts for a mind like yours. Every desire that I have that is not of you- burn it out. Everything that is in me that does not bring you glory- purge me. Lord baptize me with your purifying father. I know that miracles happen in and instant and healing can take time. But do it anyway, please. Lord help me to wait on you. I need to wait on you. Help me to GO when you say GO! Help me to SPEAK when you say SPEAK. Help me to be silent and stay when that is what you are whispering to me. I can not trust myself. I can only trust you. Your voice, your spirit inside of me. I need you now my God.
And to the ways of this world……Make me a RENEGADE.
ren·e·gade /ˈreniˌgād/
Noun:A person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles. Adjective:Having treacherously changed allegiance.Synonyms:
noun. turncoat - apostate - recreant - traitor
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Temptation: The Choice Is Mine?
Sometimes I get tempted to do things I used to do before I was saved. Not good. So much temptation, and I think Lord! Will this ever end?! Granted some seasons are not as bad as others, but for some reason things just have not been easy. Perhaps I haven’t been focused on God enough? Not reading my word enough? Not praying enough? Not gonna lie, these may truly be the case. But whatever it is, it is not easy.
I don’t know why I believe that if I am being tempted or struggling to stay in the battle I feel horrible and like there is something wrong with me. I question myself: “Am I really a Christian? Do I really love God?” But because I am a Christian that loves God, that is the reason things are so hard. If I were who I used to be, I’d give in without flinching, doing whatever I wanted, saying whatever I wanted, and going where ever I wanted. But because I DO now desire to be who Christ wants me to be, things are tough and my flesh is not happy.
The battle against the flesh is one that I definitely know well. But victory is always so worth it. When I resist temptation, it is one of the best feelings in the world. Not even Jesus was exempt form temptation but He resisted. He won. HE WON! Praise God! And because of Christ we do not have to be slaves to our fleshly desires. The Word of God teaches us in Matthew 26:41 that when it comes to temptation, the Spirit is willing (to be obedient to God) but the flesh is weak. Sometimes we can read this ad use it as an excuse for our sin. But I want to get to the place that even though my flesh is weak, my Spirit is willing and strong enough, stronger than my flesh!
Christ did not die for us to keep on sinning. He did not redeem us for us to remain slaves. The belief in these truths are the things that will be what separate self proclaimed Christians from God proclaimed children. Sin just ain’t worth it. Only grace can save us but if we don’t repent, confession means nothing. Believing in salvation without repentance is a trick. What if you told your boss that you loved your job and that you loved working for him- but then never went to work? He may even forgive you for not showing up but that does not mean you’re going to get that pay check. Only the people that actually put in work will receive a reward. Only those who did not yield to sleep and slumber, denied their flesh and put in honest work will be paid. Just as only those who deny temptation will be saved.
And if you fall, take heart! Our God is a forgiving God and he will forgive you everytime you ask for forgiveness. But the word tells us in 1 John 3:6 that “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.” Sometimes sin can be mistakes. But when they become habits again RUN RUN RUN!!! Do whatever you can to get out of sin! If Jesus did not take sin serious he would have never said such extreme things concerning it. Twice in the gospel of Matthew Christ warned against tolerating our sin:
Matthew 5:29- 30
29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
Matthew 18:9
And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hellof fire.
Bottom line is this. As far as temptation goes, it will probably never end this side of heaven. No matter how set free we become, if Christ our Lord was not exempt from temptation- neither will we be. We will struggle. But we CAN win through the power of grace and love of the Holy Spirit. But I plead and beg brothers and sisters. We must repent of our sins and hold one another accountable IN LOVE! Not in judgement but in LOVE! Self righteousness has never saved anyone. But neither has a passive wishy washy no back bone Christian that tolerates sin in his/ her own life. Remember- whatever we tolerate, we will never be able to change.
I am writing this because I too have needed a wake up call. I slowly began to subtly allow the enemy to come and try to bind me up again. Be alert saints! Even in the garden in the beginning the Word in Genesis 3:1 tell us that the serpent was the most clever, the craftiest of all the animals God had created. He hasn’t changed my loves! Trust me! I know him all too well. I have known his deception and know how he comes in slick, sly, and even sometimes looking Godly. LIES! He is the father of lies and he wants humanity damned. Especially the saints.
But like I said, I have known his deception, but Jesus Christ’s Truth is so much better! So much more powerful! There is hope yet! In Christ Jesus! Make him the Lord of your life. Confess your sins and repent my loves! If you are like me and need help to turn away from your sins ask him for help! He will not dissapoint you! But you must really want it! Count the cost. This life is not always easy, and only those who really want it will make it. We can not try and be both of the world and of God. We have to choose one or the other. But pray my friends. Ask the Lord to help you and he will. After all it is by his power and might that we have power over our enemy. God loves you and he wants all of you. He is a good father and will never leave you. Even when we are unfaithful, he is faithful- ALWAYS!
And in his love, he gives us choice. But because we are so wicked even we need him to change our desires! But when he makes the way clear RUN TO HIM! Beg God to give you strength to make the right decision. Because we can only do right by and through him.
What will we choose?
Good or evil? Freedom or bondage? Heaven or hell? Satan or Christ?
Pray for me that when temptation comes that I choose Christ all the days of my life. I’ll be praying the same for you…
We can’t even choose on our own. It’s not that easy. We even need Christ to help us choose. Because so often we do what we hate. But my loves by the Spirit, we do not have to be slaves to sin. WE DO NOT HAVE TO BE SLAVES TO SIN!!! PRAISE GOD EVERLASTING!
I leave you with this scrip: Romans 8:12-17
12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
Your sister,
Jazmyn
“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because he was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means—the only complete realist.”
—C.S. Lewis
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It Is Finished!!
“For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.” (Galatians 2:19-21 NKJV) -
“When I Say I’m A Christian” by Maya Angelou
When I say… “I am a Christian”I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin.”
I’m whispering “I was lost,”
Now I’m found and forgiven.When I say…”I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.When I say… “I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
who received God’s good grace, somehow.
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This short, simple, yet very powerful.
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Mediate on that last part! Not just trusting in God but proclaiming Him as trust itself! Mmm mmm good!
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Perfect Love Kills Fear
Over the course of the past two years, I feel like I have witnessed spiritual warfare up close and personal. I feel like I and a few others in my life have waltzed with evil and good alike. I feel as though I have heard first hand lies from serpents and tenaciously grabbed what I know is Truth like never before. I am learning and grasping the Truth that my enemy does not sleep, yet I can rest in my Father’s presence.
Sometimes, yes. It has been overwhelming to be able to see what others may not. To be awakened in my sleep with my mind racing with all too real scenes playing over and over in my head. To see things that are unpleasant. But unpleasant becomes crippling when it actually comes to pass. Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach and as weak as an infant when I am standing on the front lines. I ask myself sometimes why am I doing this. But to be honest nothing scares me more than the thought of falling away out of blatant disobedience. I am at more ease on the frontlines of warfare knowing that the battle is God’s than I do sitting around playing Yahtzee with the devil.
In these seasons I have experienced like never before the way emotions can alter what is physical. Like the feeling I get when I come to an eery realization of something horrific.
I immediately feel a burning in my chest.
I am short of breath. NO REST.
My heart is beating, bulging, POUNDING.
My body goes limp and I have become overwhlemed with
Fear.
The spirit of fear is one of the worst one can come by. It has constantly been charged with identity theft. God says I am strong but I let this liar whisper into my ear and believe that I am weak, that I am no good, not worth anything, powerless, defined by my sins, foolish and that it is all my fault.
SHUT UP!
At times I literally have to say that out loud. I talk to these things until they are gone. I don’t care about their sob songs pleading for mercy. But I show mercy to people. As far as the demons that are working in them are concerned, I will show NO mercy.
But then we have the beautiful side.
Remember this battle always starts in your mind.
When I FOCUS on Truth above all else, the world is no longer so intimidating, regardless of what my uncensored eyes show me. When I truly believe that I am who God says I am, the He is who He says He is, and that He created EVERYONE (no matter who they are) with a purpose, I am no longer uncontrollably weary of everything and everyone. I am free to continue to battle what is unseen and love people as they are, realizing that I am just like them. I am able to hate sin and evil, discern what is Truth, and use my weapons to tear down what is contrary to the Word of God while coming alongside other believers to build up what is wonderful. But I know just where this came from.
Apart form Christ, I am nothing. I am another statistic. An illegitimate child born to teenagers. Just another black woman born in a slum that meets no mainstream definition of beauty or worth, bound to get lost in the system.
But in Christ, I am who he created me to be. Though I was unplanned by my parents, he had a plan all along. He makes me something beautiful. He gives me worth. He is the levels in my laugh, the sparkle in my smile, the twinkle in my eye. My God is the confidence in my speech, the power in my prayers, the real intercessor in my intercession. This man is my everything. No fear can shake me more than his grace and mercy can balance me. His word is a lamp unto my path and his cross is the walking stick that keeps me steady on mountains and in valleys.
Alone, Jazmyn, is nothing. But the one who lives in me is everything, and I know it. I am aware that He loves and adores me. I’ll never know how or why or how much. But I know He is FOR me and wants what is best for me. So if God is with me (us), who can be against me (us)?
Besides, it is not as if I am the only believer that goes through this. In fact, these are just things that come with the territory. And the greater the territory, the greater the pain, but the greater the pain, the greater the joy!
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"You show me that i don’t have to be afraid anymore. not afraid to lose.not afraid to give.not afraid to embrace.not afraid to love.not afraid to worship.not afraid to cry.not afraid to surrender.not afraid to jump.not afraid to face storms.not afraid to die.not afraid to live. i’m at the very edge of my emotions and the person i used to be and what’s left of me.
You are my Miracle." -
21 Years In 1 Paragraph: My Story in Nutshell
I am far from perfect. The only thing that matters is that when I dedicated my life to Christ, I meant it with all my heart. I didn’t “grow up in church” and only came to know God right before my freshmen year in high school. I used to be a cutter, addicted to pornography, a compulsive liar, a manipulator, had suicidal thoughts, was confused about my sexuality and just lived in depression. I used to say I was a Christian but it was just like saying I am black or I am a girl. I only said that because it was all I knew. I had said the sinners prayer so many times but it never meant anything to me except missing hell. Too bad the whole time I was missing God as well. But I’m telling you when I realized God was all I had, I realized he was all I needed. And then he became all I WANTED. There are many times when I still mess up. But what drives me is knowing that an innocent man, God, died for ME and all my junk- when all I was really entitled to was hell. He BECAME my addictions, my lies, my sin just so that I could live and be free. Now with everything I am I just wanna live for him and be a living example of the transforming power that can only be found in Christ. My desire is to be a different kind of Christian. One that stands for truth but shows love and grace above all else. Because after all I need those things everyday. All this is the reason I live.
1Timothy 15-17
15 This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. 16 But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. 17All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen.
